watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
