Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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