I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
