ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
