What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
