last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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