We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
