You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
