I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
