im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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