Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
