Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
