Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Randomize
