Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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