I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
