Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
