I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
