Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Randomize
