id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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