i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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