wat bout pragnant strippers??
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
PANTIES FOUND
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
