matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
