I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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