I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
