You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
