the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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