Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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