I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
