in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
