End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize