new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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