You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Let's get the cat blown out
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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