oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
