we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
