walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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