Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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