$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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