Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
