I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
