Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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