I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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