I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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