Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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