Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
