I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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