This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
