A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
