mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You dont lie about slip and slides
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
