i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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