That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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