make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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