I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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