after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
