Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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