Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
