I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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