try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
