Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
birth control should be required to get into college
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
