I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
