so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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