no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize