Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
