OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
