TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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