Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Semen is not good for contacts.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
