its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize