"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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