i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize