the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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