That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
