Just cropdusted the office
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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