What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
