she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
