I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize