Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
