I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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