It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
