Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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