The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
