a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
