mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize